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Don Juan Encounters Feminism
David Holper



He says, Can I have directions?
She says, To where?
He says, To your heart.
Get lost, she says, and leaves.


He says: If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
She makes a face and leaves.


He says, If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd
have five cents.
She puts a nickel on the bar besides his sweating glass and leaves.


He says, I am not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
She groans and leaves.


He says, Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.
You can't get lost when you're already lost, she says and leaves.


He says, Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once
every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone
so special only happens once in a lifetime.
Watch this, she say, and leaves.


He says, You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
She says, Try "Hello." It works better.
He says, Hello.
Then she leaves.


He says, If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
A galaxy? What you'd have is a vacuum, she says, laughing at him as she goes out the door.


He says, Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces,
She gives him a hard look.
He sighs and leaves.
And she orders another gimlet.

© 2011 by David Holper.
Used with the author's permission.

David Holper has done a little bit of everything: taxi driver, fisherman, dishwasher, bus driver, soldier, house painter, bike mechanic, bike courier, and teacher. Currently, he is a professor of English at College of the Redwoods. In addition to all that useful experience on his resume and a couple of degrees to boot, he has published in a number of journals, written a collection of poetry, and been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. David lives in Eureka, California, and says, "Now that I am on the other side of 50, I am more concerned with facing death, coming to grips with the fact that I am now the older generation, and raising decent children (whom I hope will be even more incensed at the fallen state of the world than I am)."

Post New Comment:
This is great fun. So anty-hearts-and-flowers in this season of velvet chocolate-filled hearts and roses by the hundreds. Bravo!
Posted 02/13/2012 12:43 PM
Love this poem! What a pre-Valentine day treat. So filled with humor that I couldn't leave, and had to read it.
Posted 02/13/2012 12:13 PM
Keep trying. Those are some very good lines. Someone will bite the hook.
Posted 02/13/2012 09:16 AM
love this poem! the way he is the one to finally get up and leave...a definite smile for a Monday morning!
Posted 02/13/2012 07:29 AM

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