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'Twas the Month After Christmas
Author Unknown


'Twas the month after Christmas,

and all through the house

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste

At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared:

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

And the way I'd never said, "No, thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—

I said to myself, as I only can, 

"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So—away with the last of the sour cream dip,

Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

‘Til all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie—not even a lick.

I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie;

I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore—

But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,

Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet!



We've been unable to identify the author of this poem. 
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Post New Comment:
Phissyr: has published the following on their website: TWAS THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS by Tom Damron (Plano, TExas)
Posted 12/01/2022 11:19 AM
I WISH I'd written it but, alas, it's not one of mine!
Posted 01/05/2013 07:48 AM
Julie Carlile:
Very funny. Too bad we don't know who wrote it!
Posted 01/04/2013 08:55 AM
Hah! Deft and delightful. Cleverly wry. I couldn't do better. I won't even try
Posted 01/04/2013 08:40 AM
Well done!
Posted 01/04/2013 08:24 AM
Kay Sanders:
Right on!
Posted 01/04/2013 06:36 AM
Jayne, Did you write this? It is very clever and has your dry wit!! Happy New Year in any case!
Posted 01/04/2013 06:20 AM

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