Classical music's
Gotta go.
All the surveys
Tell us so.
Brahms is boring.
Bach is dreary.
Morning drive time
Should be cheery.
Grieg is stale.
Mozart moldy.
Give us this day
Our golden oldie.
Tchaikovsky's pathetic.
Schubert's a nerd.
And once is too much
For Beethoven's Third.
The past is over.
Let's clean house.
Out with Verdi.
Good-bye Strauss.
Curtains for opera.
Unstring that cello.
Make the music
Soft and mellow.
Whether you're driving,
Or trying to score,
Lean back, relax,
While our ratings soar.
Mile after mile
Commute with a smile.
So bye-bye Beethoven,
And don't touch that dial!
Excerpted from "Four Songs from Tony Caruso's Final Broadcast" in Pity the Beautiful (Graywolf Press, 2012).
Used with the author's permission.
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