My Cart 
Login 

Previous

'Twas the Month After Christmas
by
Author Unknown


Next
 

'Twas the month after Christmas,

and all through the house

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste

At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared:

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

And the way I'd never said, "No, thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—

I said to myself, as I only can, 

"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So—away with the last of the sour cream dip,

Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

‘Til all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie—not even a lick.

I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie;

I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore—

But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,

Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet!

 

 

Purchase a framed print of this poem.

 
We've been unable to identify the author of this poem. 
If you have information about its origins, please contact us. 

New comments are closed for now.
jayne:
I WISH I'd written it but, alas, it's not one of mine!
Posted 01/05/2013 07:48 AM
Julie Carlile:
Very funny. Too bad we don't know who wrote it!
Posted 01/04/2013 08:55 AM
phebe.davidson@gmail.com:
Hah! Deft and delightful. Cleverly wry. I couldn't do better. I won't even try
Posted 01/04/2013 08:40 AM
pwax:
Well done!
Posted 01/04/2013 08:24 AM
Kay Sanders:
Right on!
Posted 01/04/2013 06:36 AM
erinsnana:
Jayne, Did you write this? It is very clever and has your dry wit!! Happy New Year in any case!
Posted 01/04/2013 06:20 AM


Contents of this web site and all original text and images therein are copyright © by Your Daily Poem. All rights reserved.
The material on this site may not be copied, reproduced, downloaded, distributed, transmitted, stored, altered, adapted,
or otherwise used in any way without the express written permission of the owner.